Thursday, May 03, 2007

if you can't tell...

... I'm REALLY bored today. I've busted my ass over the past few weeks to get a rough cut of something done, and now that I have two weeks to write it and tweak it, I have absolutely no desire to work. I guess I'll stay here another few hours, then go home to my fiancee. She seems nice.

In any event, I got a piece of spam today advertising Penn-themed ringtones. They actually sound pretty good, though there's something vaguely weird and uncomfortable about the thought of using one. Plus, I think I sort of promised myself once long ago that if I ever bought a ringtone (highly unlikely), it would be "The A-Team" theme.

Also, has anyone seen the new Dunkin Donuts commercial with Rachael Ray? Or, another more precise question would be, is anyone else profoundly disturbed by the new Dunkin Donuts commercial with Rachael Ray? I wish I could find a video or some pictures from this thing.

Basically, it goes like this: a new DD employee notices blue skid marks on the floor right in front of the register. As he's wondering what they are, Rachael Ray runs into the store near the speed of light, skidding to a stop right where the marks are (thus explaining where they came from). She orders "the usual," which the grizzled old employee seems to know by heart. Meanwhile, the new employee's mouth is agape. Ray points at him and asks, "who's that?" The bemused DD veteran says, "that's the new guy." Ray turns to him and says, "hi new guy!" Then takes a sip of her coffee and says "delish!" Then she runs out of the store near the speed of light.

That's it.

I dunno why this commercial disturbs me so. Is it the fact that it tried so very hard to make Rachael Ray seem like a normal person? (i.e., having a "usual" at Dunkin Donuts; saying "hi new guy!", which feels like what some ad exec thinks normal people say).

Is it the fact that when she turns to greet the "new guy," her eyes bug out such that she looks like she wants to tear his throat out with her teeth?

Is it the fact that the apparent employee hierarchy at a DD is such that newcomers are dehumanizingly labelled "the new guy," instead of being addressed by their names?

Is it the fact that she runs near the speed of light for some reason? (I'm guessing that is supposed to imply that she's a busy career woman with all of her Food Network shows and other projects, yet ironically if she were to run near the speed of light time would slow for her to the point where she really wouldn't have to be that busy... I think).

Is it the fact that she wears shoes with bright blue rubber soles (judging by the skid marks), which Kris informs me is a near-impossibility in the world of women's footwear?

Is it the word "delish"?

Just watch it whenever you happen to catch it and tell me what you think. On its surface it's light and cheery, but I'm not sure if its many subtly upsetting elements aren't any better than the aggressive creepiness of the posthumous Orville Redenbacher ad. Watch his claw-like hand burst into the microwave, and tell me you wouldn't rather meet your end that way, rather than having Rachael Ray explode through her sunny veneer and rip your throat, warm and wet, from your trembling neck.

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