friday giants blogging

Anyone who's read this site with any consistency knows I usually post about the Giants on the Friday before gameday, and today is no different. Last Sunday's loss to the Seahawks was a gutpunch straight out of the Fassel era, evocative of the infamous 2002 playoff collapse in San Fran. Some pundits called it a potential season-ruiner, but I don't think that's the case.

Something tells me that the vast majority of this team is so young that they don't know how to let such a loss ruin their season. And something tells me that the guys who are not so young - the Strahans, Tikis and Amanis - have been around the block too many times to let it drag them down yet again.

In any case, ESPN's Page 2 (which, like regular ESPN, usually treats the Giants and their fans with an "eat shit and die" attitude) today ran a wonderful essay on Eli, Big Blue and Giants fandom from guest writer Roger Director (who apparently used to write episodes of Moonlighting).

Eli, like any little brother, had to learn fast. He earned that poker face of his. Be a stoic. So it won't look like you're bawling to mama, because that only gets you another Indian burn or a knee in the thigh. Or dangled out the window. But if little brothers can survive, they find out there's a much nastier payback you can inflict on the big brothers of this world than telling mom. Little brothers can grow up to be rattlesnakes.

And now the Giants have a poker-faced little brother with an ice pick for an arm. Who strikes fear when the clock is ticking loud and they break the huddle with the length of the field to go. Other than having a defense you know can't be scored on, there's no better card to have in your hand or to help your Luke Petitgout Syndrome.

I honestly don't have any dread leading up to this game. I'm excited, mostly without that awful feeling that the Sword of Damocles hangs by a thread over the head of each Giant and each Giant fan. Maybe it's because the Giants are so young. Win or lose, Sunday's game represents a wonderful, pleasantly shocking opportunity for such a young, promising team. And I have this funny feeling it's going to be their finest hour yet. The roles of good guys and bad guys are so amazingly perfectly cast, and the prize is right there for the taking.

This is what the NFL is all about.

some random friday thoughts

Wow, I haven't blogged in a long while (at least before "THERE'S MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!"). I know I promised I would post more. And if you believed me, you're now ensconced in the world of lies that is haplography.

Anyhoo, here are some random Friday thoughts for your reading pleasure...

- Every time I hear a classic, Bing Crosby-era Christmas song on the radio, I think of the opening scenes of Die Hard or Lethal Weapon. Both used old-timey holiday music as ironic accompaniment to gruesome deaths. Touches like that made big, big 80s action movies big, big 80s action movies. So what does it say about me if I hear "Winter Wonderland" on the radio and immediately picture Bruce Willis smirking and saying California!

- I think the phrase "oh no!" should be replaced with "oh noes!" (with "noes" being pronounced like "nose"). We'd all sound a lot more adorable.

- Have the Rangers jumped the shark if I actually start expecting them to win games?

- I saw a feature last night on the local news (the Fox affiliate, I believe) that detailed how to become a Philly hipster. No joke. Apparently, all you need are Buddy Holly glasses, an ironically-worn soccer jersey and "attitude," and then you're offically hip. Note: this is more of an observation than an actual thought. My apologies. -ed... Note #2: my name is not actually "ed"; rather, this is an abbreviation of "editor."

- You've got to love the Philly sports media. On the same day columnist Sam Donnellon writes about how much smarter, savvier and more youth-oriented the Phillies are than the Mets (because the Mets are buying "pasts, not futures"), the Phils go out and give Tom Gordon three guaranteed years to be their closer. So if you're keeping track at home - giving 34-year old Billy Wagner four guaranteed years: stupid. Giving the 38-year old Gordon three years: BRILLIANT!

"THERE ARE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!"

I'm sure the legend of Samuel L. Jackson's "Snakes on a Plane" is well-known around the Internets (if not, check out its handy IMDB page), but last night I came across an old post at I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing that is keeping me giggling well into this fine morning.

What else do you need to know? How the snakes get on the plane, what the snakes do once they're on the plane, who puts the snakes on the plane, who is trying to get the snakes off the plane...This is not for you to ponder. There are snakes on the plane. End of fucking story.

I think it goes without saying that Samuel L. has to give a big, ridiculous speech about survival at some point, as he did in Deep Blue Sea (just before getting eaten by a motherfucking shark). I still think Al Pacino is the guy you'd want pinch-hitting if your lead actor can't quite pull off a big, ridculous, climactic speech, but maybe Samuel L. could be the guy warming up in the bullpen to bring your bad movie home.

"FOOT BALL TO-DAY"

I can only imagine such a sign is posted outside of Qwest Field today, where the New York 11 will take on the Seattle squad at 4 o'clock.

I have a good feeling about the Giants today, in that I don't have a horrible feeling for them (the last time I did was heading into the Minnesota game, and we all remember what happened that day... except for me, thanks to my prescription Represitol).

Yes, the Seahawks have Shaun Alexander and the league's top-rated offense. Yes, they're 8-3. Yes, they're playing at home. Yes, they and the Bears are the "trendy" NFC teams now.

But they come from the uber-awful NFC West. Now, you can't blame them for beating up on the weak sisters in their division, but you must acknowledge that five of their wins have come against less-than-stellar teams - most recently the 49ers, whom they barely beat (and, as history shows again and again, if you play badly and win one week, you're liable to have troubles the next week). The Seahawks' most impressive wins were each three-point squeakers at home against Atlanta in week 2 (when Matt Schaub guided the Falcons through crunchtime) and Dallas in week 7 (which was a gift from Drew Bledsoe). Those are two teams I honestly believe are not quite as good as the Giants, despite New York's OT loss at Texas Stadium (during a stretch of season in which the Cowboys' defense was playing out of its mind).

I have no idea what will happen today. The Giants could easily win or lose. But something tells me that the Seahawks aren't going to run away with it, despite what the hype would have you believe. I know I'm tempting fate and the thing from on high here, but it's been my experience that the hype tends to cometh before the fall - especially when that hype is ultimately based upon a weak divisional schedule.

if you didn't know it already...

NOTHING GOOD HAS EVER COME OUT OF PRINCETON, with the exception which proves the rule being the Daily Princetonian article detailing Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito's membership in a club which sought to keep women and minorities out of the former College of New Jersey.

I had a professor at Penn (who shall remain nameless) who went to Princeton in the mid-1960s - another exception to the Princeton Rule. He also happens to be African-American, and he once spoke of a campus group which sought to keep Princeton priviliged and white. I have no idea if it was the same group Alito was a member of, but as this particular professor told the story, the group had open meetings at which anybody could speak. So he gathered up some supporters, went to the meeting and spoke before the cowed group.

The moral of the story is that pure evil comes out of Princeton, not just the run-of-the-mill evil that unleashed Brooke Shields, Dean Cain and Keith Elias onto an unsuspecting world. The best way to beat it is to stand up to it (ideally, standing up to it includes but is not limited to two men's basketball ass-whoopings at the hands of the Quakers every season).

Anyhoo, I had a busy week to rival all busy weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, and I hope to be posting more in the coming days. Turducken (yes, turducken). Big Giants game in Seattle tomorrow. Lots of personal developments. Maybe some long-overdue Philly restaurant reviews. That kind of stuff.

Hope everyone is having a great holiday!!!

that's my bush!

If I were to judge by this one picture, I'd say Bush couldn't find his way off the set of the Chinese Pre$$ Your Luck today, so he started asking the little boy who lives in his mouth what he should do.

I can only imagine this will improve his approval ratings. The end.

the diamond joe quimby party

"If that is the way the wind is blowing, never let it be
said that I do not also blow."

I liked the Senate Republicans' plan to end the war in Iraq better when it was the Senate Democrats' plan to end the war in Iraq (thanks to Nitpicker).

"you fucked up - you trusted us"

Via Atrios.

i suck

When it comes to placing the state, I suck. My average error was 18 miles. Kris sent this link to me, and her average error was only five miles.

Who designed this country, anyway?

the eagles are the eagles again

I'm sure the football gods will punish me come Sunday for this, but... damn, that was awesome. I turned the game off with over three minutes to go, thinking the Eagles' annual dramatic season turnaround had begun; I turned it back on to see David Akers' potential game-winning 60-yard field goal attempt fall at least ten yards short as time ran out. After wiping my eyes, doing a double take and exclaiming "wha-a-WHAAAA!?", I used Tivo's 30-minute cache to relive the Eagles' gut-punching, Rich-Kotite-Era-repressed-memory-triggering defeat (which easily - easily - dwarfs the Giants' loss to the Vikes).

Remember I said that I'd believe the Eagles were dead when I saw a body? We're not there yet; this team still has a dominating defense at times, and I'm still not convinced the Giants are any good.

But we're close.

And no matter what happens on Sunday, it's just awesome to see the Cowboys come into town and ruin everybody's night, just like in the old days. The only thing better would be the Giants doing it.

Now, I don't think I'd dislike the Eagles as much as I do if it weren't for their fans; not since Red Sox Nation's pre-2004 heyday has a fanbase so skillfully combined arrogant soccer hooliganism, hangdog defeatism, and a ginormously whiny sense of entitlement. When I first got to Penn in 1998, the wonderful, amazing, devoted Eagles fans went to the Vet dressed as empty blue seats, which kept the games off TV; these days, one learns how charming it can be to hear God's collective gift to fandom do the "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!" chant eight or nine times... at a Phillies game... in July. Now they can all go to the back of the line.

At least until Sunday.

on edit - I had no idea Donovan McNabb injured his groin. I certainly don't take pleasure in this, and I did not when I posted this blog entry. I wish him the best, and I certainly hope he's on the field this Sunday - after all, you've got to beat the best to be the best. -haplo

the internets in action

So there's been a quote circulating around the Internet the past couple days. At first glance, it appears to be yet another unfortunate choice of words for John Kerry, who was often excoriated during the 2004 presidential campaign for similarly unfortunate choices of words (i.e., "I voted for it before I voted against it," etc.):

"We had no pre-war intelligence," said Sen. John Kerry, "History will show that none of the leading Democrats had substantial intelligence. Anyone who remembers what we did then knows that the president is making a baseless allegation. I think history will bear out my contention that we Democrats lacked the intelligence to make such an important decision."

Sounds too good to be true, right? Sounds like it was tailor-made for the type of triumphant, vitriolic email forwards that circle the drains of our junk mail folders (the same type that can make Andy Rooney look like David Duke). Well, that's because it was.

"Scrappleface" is a fake news website. More precisely, it's an extremely right-wing fake news website; for example, one story deals with Nancy Pelosi's apparent plan to seize oil company profits and use them to fund abortions for ANWR wildlife.

Now that's comedy.

Anyhoo, the Kerry quote is fakily fake; so fake, in fact, that debunking the cause of the resulting outrage-tinged smug satisfaction among the right (look at how many people assume John Kerry actually said this) would be a slam dunk for the folks over at Snopes. Unfortunately, that won't keep this little nugget of subtle-as-a-sledge-hammer satire from circulating around the Internets forever, presented as yet another factual dumb soundbite that actually factually sprang from the wordhole of one John Kerry, Democrat.

Partisans believe what they want to believe - what they expect to believe - facts be damned. Some partisans know it's fake, and just don't care; it stands more of a chance to distract from the question at hand if people assume it's true. It won't change the subject, to be sure; but in the arena of public opinion, Republicans have defeated Democrats in the past by inflicting thousands of little cuts just like this one.

Can't wait to get it in an email.

every battle is won before it is ever fought

It seems the national debate these days has turned to whether or not the Bush administration manipulated intelligence to lead the nation into war with Iraq, or if it was suckered into believing what turned out to be flawed, flimsy intelligence (which is certainly the less evil possibility, but just as unforgiveable a sin if true). The GOP is spinning mightily, trying to convince the nation that the Democrats were privy to the same intelligence and are therefore worthy of all the blame (as Atrios points out, it's the "you fucked up - you trusted us" defense). This is of course untrue, but peddling revisionist history to an eager media is pretty much the only move the Bushies have left.

My question is this: if it's true that the Republicans' massively successful communications philosophy/strategy (whatever you want to call it) over the years hasn't been to win the debate but to control the very terms of the debate - to control the question itself... then haven't they already lost?

the giants are the giants again

Just one thought on this Giants debacle: the Giants are the Giants again. Not because they lost, but because they lost in excruciating fashion; because the defense was awesome until it wasn't, because the special teams was awful, because the offense played just well enough to lose.

Since Tom Coughlin took over the team, there have been new faces and fresh ideas. Last year the team was laughably bad. It happens. This year, the special teams have actually been good. The offense has been explosive. The defense has been mediocre. This is all new for the New York Football Giants. But yesterday's loss was straight out of the Jim Fassel era. You could easily have taken one of today's game stories back in time to 1998 or 2002, changed the names to protect the horrible, and Mr. 1998 Giants Fan wouldn't have been able to determine that this game recap was from THE FUTURE!!! To him, it would have been just another terrible loss for a franchise that knows how to terribly lose better than any other.

sadly predictable

Let the second-half tailspin... begin!

world cafe live

Kris and I hit Upstairs at World Cafe Live last night (3025 Walnut St.). It was one of their free shows, and even though they told us that the wait would roughly be the same as the half-life of one of the elements down near the bottom of the Periodic Table (the scary man-made ones), we put our name down; while we were discussing where else we could go, a table with a nice window view of the Walnut St. Bridge opened up.

The place looks designed by Philly hipsters (and every member of the wait staff looks like a Philly hipster). Usually I have mixed feelings about this, as Philly hipsters can often deserve massive cockpunches. But this was nice; the beer on draught was accordingly hip - all sorts of brews from Victory and Dogfish Head, and, of course, lager.

The music and food were good - I had an Italian grinder, which had all sorts of Italian cold cuts, red peppers, oil and melted provolone on a toasted roll. Performing was the wonderful Kristin Hoffmann, who has a helluva voice. Her music was very Dido-like, and immediately after Kris and I joked that her stuff should all be featured in teen dramas on the WB, she introduced her next song as "the one that they used on 'Dawson's Creek.'" Still, she was very good and her musical style was very versatile, and it's just cool to eat dinner and drink beer while listening to live music.

Even beyond that, to me, WXPN is one of the things that makes Philly Philly. It's true sometimes that every hour sounds like their Women's Music Hour, but there's a lot of good that they do, and it's refreshing to listen to a radio station that has a firm commitment to new music and to the singer/songwriter. Combining that with food, beer and free live music is, well, perfect.

i have become dell, destroyer of worlds

Goodbye, seven-year-old Power Mac which I got on my first weekend at Penn. I hope you have fun in my closet. I'll power you back up when I need my music and my senior honors thesis. Until then, there's a Dell on my desk now.

Now, it's not actually my Dell; Kris doesn't need her desktop now that she has a laptop, and she realizes it would be better for both of us if there was a computer in my apartment that could actually take advantage of the broadband connection I pay over $40 a month for. So, now, I have become Dell, destroyer of worlds.

I guess I'll miss having a Mac; I used to be really into the whole Mac culture - when I was about 14 or so. Now I couldn't give two shits what sits on my desk. It could be a Coleco (with rust-proofing) so long as the Internet internets faster and the software actually works with the rest of the computing world's.

Really, I'm just glad I got a Dell without having to deal with Steven, the Dell Dude.



Kris is much, much hotter, and pot busts, to my knowledge, are refreshingly free from her background... oh God, what is he doing?

peking duck pizza

Last night Kris and I tried the Peking Duck pizza at Mama Palma's (2229 Spruce St). Let me say this: you must try this pizza. Roast duck, hoisin sauce, mushrooms, scallions and little thin snippets of carrot - all on a pizza. Awesome.

I recommend you share this with someone, as it's sweet enough that eating even the small size all by yourself could give you adult-onset diabetes (not really - don't sue!). But it's definitely worth a taste.

nooooooooooooooooooo

So Fox has cancelled Arrested Development just as I was getting into it. It's a fucking tight show, and now it's gone. At least there's still the DVDs.

Considering Scrubs doesn't appear to be getting back on the schedule anytime soon (and FilmFakers is LONG gone), I'm just about ready to declare that my Tivo season passes are like teeny thumbed-up kisses of death (or, at least warm, encompassing hugs of hiatus).

I'm looking at you next, The Office. Your producers should just lie down in their office doorways right now and wait for NBC security guards to throw their limp, lifeless bodies off the studio lot.

friday sports blogging

Truthfully, I don't know what sets Friday sports blogging apart from the sports blogging I do any other day, but it's Friday, so it's Friday sports blogging.

- The Rangers are, quite simply, shocking. I thought they would have returned to ways of stinkitude long before this. But as long as they keep outworking teams and can avoid hitting some sort of wall (hopefully the Olympics break in February will help), they've got a shot here. It's definitely nice to have a likeable Rangers team kicking the shit out of people again, but I'm expecting Petr Nedved or Anson Carter to step onto the ice any minute and ruin the illusion.

- I'm scared for the Giants this Sunday. This game worries me more than the Eagles game next week, because Big Blue is expected to manhandle the Vikes (and because the Giants didn't play particularly well last week and still won going away). Mark my words - the Giants will lose to a team they're supposed to beat at some point. That's the reality of life in today's NFL. And for some reason, I have visions of a resurgent Brad Johnson picking apart the Giants secondary dancing in my head.

- Looks like Steph Marbury is about to be traded. Good. He's like a vacuum of inspiration on the court, and something tells me the Knicks will be immeasurably better without him. Don't get me wrong - he can be awesome. But I've never gotten the feeling that he's going to take the Knicks on his back and win a game, the way a Jason Kidd or an Allen Iverson can.

- If they must trade for him, I'm really hoping that with Theo gone in Boston, the Mets can get a favorable deal for Manny Ramirez. They shouldn't have to give up the farm for a guy who's going to look lost in Shea's outfield next year (and has just as much a chance of taking the Mets back to 2002 as he does to the playoffs), but they would have had to if the Boy Wonder had stuck around. Here's to hoping whoever's left up there has a little bit less gray matter. It's probably just wishful thinking, but hey - who would have thought the Devil Rays could get Scott Kazmir for Vic Zambrano?

I really don't mind all the money for Billy Wagner (or for pitching in general); from the mood around here (and from what I've heard), the Phillies are either deathly afraid of losing him to the Mets, or have already conceded him to them.

I think what I do mind is the Rotisserie mentality that the papers seem to ascribe to Omar Minaya. It might just be your standard Hot Stove reporting, but it feels a little too much like the winter of 2001-2002, when the Mets thought they were reloading a team that had been to the World Series just one year before. If the Mets bring in one big bat and a closer and fill the rest of the roster with smart free agent moves and/or trades, fine. If they bring in the all-hit, no-glove AL All-Star (i.e., All-Salary) team (Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano, Aubrey Huff, etc.), I'll be more than a little worried. Throwing money and/or prospects at guys who are obviously not right for the team, the league and/or the ballpark will be the surest way to derail an emerging team, and Omar must tread lightly.

beer pool

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